Introduction to Angels with Dirty Faces

"I’d like to say a few words about the piece you’re about to hear, and about the process of creating it.

A year ago, the musicians at St. Charles East asked me to write a piece for them -- in tribute, not in mourning – for Nicole Alaniz. I was flattered that they chose me, and I was honored to be asked to write about something of such significance to them.

In the past I have found that when I write music of a personal nature, it becomes a reflection of the process I undertake. So if I was going to write a piece about Nicole, I had to get to know her as well as I could.

I spoke to Jim Kull and Gil Wukitsch about her, and learned about a student who was bright, talented and charismatic, whose spirit and energy made quite an impression on both of them.

I emailed with friends of Nicole’s, and learned about a beautiful soul who was fun and outrageous and SASSY – that word came up again and again and again, SASSY. And they told me how much they missed her, and that there would never be another Nicole Alaniz.

I talked to Lynne Green, her flute teacher, and I went to a rehearsal of her flute ensemble so I could get to know Nicole there, in that context. And I learned about a relationship between a musician and a mentor that was inspired and inspiring -- that allowed them both to grow and share in the development.

I spoke to Nicole’s father on the phone, and in the process of learning more about his daughter, and I learned a lot about the profound depth of a father’s love and acceptance.

I read her writing, and I could relate to all love and anger and passion and disgust and awe and disillusionment that she was discovering in this wonderous and horrifying world that we all have to share.

Now all I had to do was write a piece of music about all of that.

To this day, I still don’t believe that’s possible.

And it's not because it was too much to work with -- it was actually too little.

All I was doing was peeking at snapshots through keyholes to try to see who Nicole was, and what I was really learning was that there are too many dimensions to a human being to really know them second-hand – you have to experience them as part of your life. And so I think now, that is why life, and LIVING YOUR LIFE, is so valuable, so precious.

You’ve gotta be there to experience it. All the dimensions.

For me, this writing process was not just about Nicole, because in spite of all my efforts, I still don’t know her, and it is with profound regret that I never will.

Writing this piece became about creating something for all of you, the people that knew her, and giving you an opportunity to think of her, remember her and all her infinite dimensions – the infinite dimensions of her life, in your life.

This piece is not a grand or epic statement, and it’s not an emotional trainwreck – while those pieces come overflowing with prefabricated emotion, they don’t allow the listener many dimensions to experience.

This piece was also not only intended for the audience, it was written as an experience for the musicians playing it.

This piece is about 5 minutes long, and, it is the only piece I’ve been focused on for the past 12 months. That won’t guarantee that it is good or that you will like it, but it means that it did not come into being without great thought and consideration.

It is humbling to only be able to share this –

I wish you all your own moment to think of Nicole, and in that moment, to hopefully feel closer to her.

If you can have that, I am grateful to have been a small part of creating that moment for you."