The Sopranos (a rant)
(I'm sorry I've been on such a TV kick lately -- this too shall pass)
As some of you know, I used to be a huge fan of the HBO series, The Sopranos. This was because:
a) I like gangster movies.
b) I like good storytelling.
c) I like it when the story is so volatile, you can't predict what is going to happen next.
The show started falling apart a long time ago, and I even complained about it on the blog before (this is not a great read, but it shows that I've been disappointed for quite some time).
Now a lot of times, when a show is starting to go downhill, the producers will pull a maneuver that is known as "jumping the shark". This season, they introduced a sub-plot based on homosexuality -- congratulations guys, but everyone from Sesame Street to The 700 Club beat you to that punch.
No, the producers of The Sopranos are so arrogant, that instead of doing extreme things to their storyline, they have pretty much frozen the storyline altogether, and will show us literally ANYTHING -- figuring we're so desperate for entertainment, that we'll still watch this slop and beg for more. The best example of this was in the second-to-last episode of this "half-season" (oh please, a half-season: another display of outrageous arrogance), when Carmela goes to Paris. Not only is it unbelievably tedious to watch a Don's wife stare blankly at the faces of statues over and over and OVER AGAIN, but what is most amazing is that on that trip, NOTHING HAPPENED THAT HAD ANY IMPACT ON THE STORYLINE AT ALL. Folks, you'd have to see it to believe it -- I mean that NOTHING HAPPENED!!! NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I haven't watched the last episode of this "half-season" yet, but from all accounts, it totally, totally blows. And yet, I will (probably) watch it. But I think I'm catching on. I think the creators are TRYING to make this show suck -- to take what was once a good show and turn it into meaningless crap. So I'd like to make a few suggestions to the writers and producers, and I sincerely hope that they use these suggestions, so that I'll know what is going to happen in their "much-anticipated" "final" "half-season" (oh, you guys are GOOD), so I don't have to watch your stupid show anymore:
1. Have Tony Soprano (the mafia boss) go test drive a mini-van. This can probably take up at least one-half on an episode. Show him slamming the doors, kicking the tires... then show him having a tough time deciding between the arctic-ice blue one and the sea-foam green one. Show lots of shots of Tony's face, then the blue one, then Tony's face, then the green one, then back to Tony's face... it'll seem artsy. Finally in the final episode, show him pulling up in the driveway with the sea-foam green one. That's suspense!
2. Put more of Meadow Soprano (mafia boss' daughter) in the show. Despite any inklings you might have, it's really not as annoying as Hell to hear her pout and whine about her privileged lifestyle, and I'm sure all the fans love to watch a mafia boss' daughter plod through her unbelievably boring, whitebread college experience.
3. Get rid of Silvio and Paulie Walnuts and Chris and the rest of the gangsters -- they don't do much anymore anyway... and besides, the mafia is getting in the way of your "milquetoast life in suburban New Jersey" storyline.
4. Include lots and lots of sewing circles with Carmela (mafia boss' wife) and all her friends that meander aimlessly and go nowhere and have no purpose to the story... oh sorry, nevermind -- you're already doing that in every frikkin' episode.
5. Remember the FBI? Uncle Junior? The problems with Artie Bucco (mafia boss' friend) and Benny (one of the gangsters... y'know, gangsters? You remember them, don't you?)? And all those other loose ends that you've never tied together? Forget about them. Don't get back to them. No one will mind one little bit. A tight story is highly over-rated. You guys stick to what you do best: creating filler. You've only got 8 episodes left! You're in the barn -- you should be able to half-ass your way through these, no problemo.
As some of you know, I used to be a huge fan of the HBO series, The Sopranos. This was because:
a) I like gangster movies.
b) I like good storytelling.
c) I like it when the story is so volatile, you can't predict what is going to happen next.
The show started falling apart a long time ago, and I even complained about it on the blog before (this is not a great read, but it shows that I've been disappointed for quite some time).
Now a lot of times, when a show is starting to go downhill, the producers will pull a maneuver that is known as "jumping the shark". This season, they introduced a sub-plot based on homosexuality -- congratulations guys, but everyone from Sesame Street to The 700 Club beat you to that punch.
No, the producers of The Sopranos are so arrogant, that instead of doing extreme things to their storyline, they have pretty much frozen the storyline altogether, and will show us literally ANYTHING -- figuring we're so desperate for entertainment, that we'll still watch this slop and beg for more. The best example of this was in the second-to-last episode of this "half-season" (oh please, a half-season: another display of outrageous arrogance), when Carmela goes to Paris. Not only is it unbelievably tedious to watch a Don's wife stare blankly at the faces of statues over and over and OVER AGAIN, but what is most amazing is that on that trip, NOTHING HAPPENED THAT HAD ANY IMPACT ON THE STORYLINE AT ALL. Folks, you'd have to see it to believe it -- I mean that NOTHING HAPPENED!!! NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I haven't watched the last episode of this "half-season" yet, but from all accounts, it totally, totally blows. And yet, I will (probably) watch it. But I think I'm catching on. I think the creators are TRYING to make this show suck -- to take what was once a good show and turn it into meaningless crap. So I'd like to make a few suggestions to the writers and producers, and I sincerely hope that they use these suggestions, so that I'll know what is going to happen in their "much-anticipated" "final" "half-season" (oh, you guys are GOOD), so I don't have to watch your stupid show anymore:
1. Have Tony Soprano (the mafia boss) go test drive a mini-van. This can probably take up at least one-half on an episode. Show him slamming the doors, kicking the tires... then show him having a tough time deciding between the arctic-ice blue one and the sea-foam green one. Show lots of shots of Tony's face, then the blue one, then Tony's face, then the green one, then back to Tony's face... it'll seem artsy. Finally in the final episode, show him pulling up in the driveway with the sea-foam green one. That's suspense!
2. Put more of Meadow Soprano (mafia boss' daughter) in the show. Despite any inklings you might have, it's really not as annoying as Hell to hear her pout and whine about her privileged lifestyle, and I'm sure all the fans love to watch a mafia boss' daughter plod through her unbelievably boring, whitebread college experience.
3. Get rid of Silvio and Paulie Walnuts and Chris and the rest of the gangsters -- they don't do much anymore anyway... and besides, the mafia is getting in the way of your "milquetoast life in suburban New Jersey" storyline.
4. Include lots and lots of sewing circles with Carmela (mafia boss' wife) and all her friends that meander aimlessly and go nowhere and have no purpose to the story... oh sorry, nevermind -- you're already doing that in every frikkin' episode.
5. Remember the FBI? Uncle Junior? The problems with Artie Bucco (mafia boss' friend) and Benny (one of the gangsters... y'know, gangsters? You remember them, don't you?)? And all those other loose ends that you've never tied together? Forget about them. Don't get back to them. No one will mind one little bit. A tight story is highly over-rated. You guys stick to what you do best: creating filler. You've only got 8 episodes left! You're in the barn -- you should be able to half-ass your way through these, no problemo.
2 Comments:
Amen, my TV brother. This season (excuse me -- half season) sucked. This season of "24" sucked. The only show that got even better this season was "Lost" -- but they've only been at it for two seasons. I can only imagine what'll happen to "Lost" when it goes all Soprano on us in a few years...
I agree with both of you. I was really into the Sopranos, but sat there at the end of each episode scratching my head wondering what the hell I just watched. I guess I put up with it just to watch Big Love, which isn't that great either, but it was something to watch on a Sunday night. Yeah, 24 did suck this season. I stopped watching after the third show. Hopefully they won't run Prison Break into the ground.
I'm getting really excited about the new season of Hell's Kitchen since they don't show the old Iron Chef shows anymore.
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