The Asterisks

My dear nameless, faceless (and questionably-soulless), turtleneck-and-blazer-wearing music administrator,

Recently I had the honor and pleasure of performing at a music educator’s convention in Norfolk, Virginia. I say “honor” because the director could’ve chosen any music he wanted to, and he chose mine. I say “pleasure” because the ensemble played my music beautifully, and all the members were extremely enthusiastic and enjoyable to work with. My apologies if I misled you to believe I might’ve been attributing any “honor” or “pleasure” to your event – if you’ll indulge me for a few paragraphs, I will explain the distinction.

(PLEASE NOTE: the views I am about to lay on you are my views alone, and do not necessarily reflect those of my gracious hosts at VMEA, my fellow BCM composers, other band directors, my wife, my parents, my sister, my in-laws, my friends, my next-door neighbor, my dog Ginger, or anyone else in the known universe – I am an independent thinker. Please also note that this is a blog – a self-indulgent, self-involved account of my experiences, meant primarily for the entertainment of the unwashed masses. Were we ever to speak face-to-face about this issue, I assure you, I would employ a different tone – there’d be a lot more hand gestures and foul language.)

Let’s start with this premise: an ensemble that is chosen to play at a convention (such as the VMEA) is (supposedly) bestowed an honor – they are an exceptional ensemble, and worthy of the notice of their peers. They are given the opportunity to perform... in a room designed for hosting corporate meetings. There is no stage, low ceilings, LOUD air-handling, and wall-to-wall carpet – I can’t imagine a worse acoustic to perform in (except maybe the Holland Tunnel at rush hour on a Monday morning). There wasn’t even enough space for me, as the guest soloist, to stand on the “stage” (the easy-to-assemble hotel dance-floor used last weekend for Iggy Silverstein’s Bar Mitzvah) – I was actually standing on the carpet, about a foot from the first row of chairs – too far in front of the conductor to make eye-contact.

Before the VMEA performance, I listened to this ensemble run through their sweetened, condensed soundcheck in this space. This is an excellent-sounding high school band, and the adjustments they were having to make to accommodate this space were severe, and not conducive to a positive performance experience.

Since this is not a performance space, there are no dressing rooms to change in. There is no green room in which to relax offstage. No backstage for storing your extra stuff. No wings for musicians to wait in. There’s also no elevation to allow the audience to SEE the conductor or the ensemble, so they can’t tell what’s going on.

Then after the performance, there’s an immediate announcement:

“YOU HAVE FIFTEEN MINUTES TO LEAVE THE HALL BEFORE THE NEXT PERFORMANCE”

You can imagine the pandemonium that ensued. Forget congratulations, forget celebrations -- GET OUT.

Now, I don’t want to be unreasonable – I understand that there are a lot of ensembles being recognized and “honored” with the backside of your banquet room gauntlet, and you have to get the last group off the portable-parquet-wood dance-floor in order to get the next one onto it. But a performance space can accommodate this kind of mass-movement of musicians – exit stage left, enter stage right – much better than a hotel banquet room can.

Why compromise the “honor” and the “pleasure” of those performing at an event sponsored by a music association? My humble suggestion – book a concert venue. Book an auditorium. Book a theatre. Book an amphitheatre. Book a rock club. Shoot, book a cafetorium if that’s all that’s available – but book a space that is designed for musical performance, not one designed for the delivery of profit-and-loss statements for 2005, or to throw Johnny and JoAnn’s “Lord of the Rings”-themed wedding reception.

Aside from the "turtleneck-and-blazer" comment, this was not meant to be a personal attack on you, or your character; it's an attack on the choices you've made in the past. But in the midst of this attack, I must confess that I envy you. All I can do is offer a different perspective (translation: piss and moan). YOU can make a difference. YOU can change the music convention performance experience from here on -- for performers and attendees alike. YOU can make a difference.

This may be one of the biggest performance opportunities in these young musician’s careers – shouldn’t it FEEL and SOUND like it’s a big deal too?!?

Yours, very sincerely,

James Bonney
Composer/musician

P.S. for those band directors who showed up to this concert -- and sat, arms folded, full of judgement and disapproval, saying to yourself "that should've been me and my band up there" -- suck it up. It wasn't you. Get over it, get over yourself, and get back into the music. The music doesn't owe you anything -- you owe everything to the music.